I can't do this.

I really can't stand being here for much longer, i'm not doing anything, i have no money. I'm either making myself crazy checking all the social websites for something new or i'm eating when i'm bored and i'm gaining weight. I'm checking for new job things to apply to and there's never anything new, maybe 1-2 things every couple weeks. Nothing. Ever. I don't like the way i look lately. I don't like what i'm doing, or lack there-of. I just want to leave and live somewhere else, doing what i need to do, having access to new opportunities and people that welcome me. I can't even do that right now, because it requires money to pick up and leave. I can't do anything.

If it's who i think it is, i will scream.

So about two weeks ago i got a few weird texts from some random number, one of those texting app numbers. They said "hey girl i got my new phone!" and then went on about praying to jesus and whatever and then how i shouldn't try to catch something that doesn't want to be caught and left me alone. Last night i got a call from someone using skype. When i answered it i didn't say anything at first so i could hear if there was going to be background noises. There were. The guy was talking to someone who must have been in the room with him, and then after realizing the phone stopped ringing on his end he got quiet. I said hello and i kept hearing words but i couldn't understand them and so i kept asking "what?" they then said "i really like you a lot.." and i laughed and asked who it was and then i heard mumbling so i asked what they were saying, he said "hold a sec" and the phone went silent so i hung up. A few hours later i got inappropriate text from that app number, obviously it was the same person that had called me. So, i knew then that it was most likely someone who either knows me or knows someone who knows me... i automatically thought of the last person who has pulled things like this with me in the past. That person is Gerrick. I was pretty pissed, because they kept texting me random bullshit, like it's a game. After a while of failed attempts to say they were some guy i knew and fucked once, they finally tried saying they were someone i didn't know and that the first time they texted me that they were just bored and texted a random number. I caught them in a lie when i asked how they knew i'm a girl if they just texted a random number and they didn't say anything. For real though, this is just kind of annoying. If Gerrick has anything to do with this, i'm going to find him and punch him in the throat and tell him to leave me alone.

I told you I couldn't be your friend on your birthday

I just thought a lot and i don't think i can wait for you to feel comfortable enough to actually tell me how you feel, which is something that i'm thinking might never happen. I also don't want to continue to be the way we were and then the same thing that happened last year happens again and then you ignore me, blow me off and then decide not to talk to me at all anymore. I can't just sit there and have these feelings for you and play the let's pretend we don't have feelings for each other game with you but not be able to possibly move on with someone else just to make sure you won't get mad at me again. I care about you so much and i've always felt you really know me better than anyone else and you don't even have to try, but i just can't anymore.