Good

I guess i found out that was just your version of saying goodbye...

well, alright.

hey.

A little something.

I wish you hadn't come up to me at the beach that day... or that I at least wish i had been able to tell you to fuck off or that I hated you. But I didn't. You came up to me and I just looked at you. You had to say you've been a douche bag, you acknowledged that and I guess you wanted to let me know that you knew how you've been to me. No shit. You had to extend your arm to try to shake my hand, and I wish I had punched you in the face instead. But I knew it wasn't the right time or place for all that, so did you. I want to be able to tell you that I just hate you and that I'm tired of you thinking that maybe you're just teaching me these weird life lessons, but I know I won't. It's like you blamed me for everything, for everything everyone else has ever made you feel.
I wish you had never gone through my phone that night.
I wish you hadn't tried to impress my dad so much so that he would like you.
I wish you hadn't tried at all.

I don't regret meeting you or even talking to you, I just wish you had been more honest and less scared.

So much, too soon.

I went to Citrus a few weeks ago. I stayed at my friends moms house while she was house-sitting while her family was on vacation. I started not caring so much about my ex Ryan while he was flipping his shit because he was worried i would meet someone, it felt pretty good. I was having a great time not worrying about things, even just sitting there was good. Then i met a guy named Joe, not really expected at all. He's a cool dude and everything, we got along and he was really sweet to me PLUS he works at my favorite pizza place in florida, not to mention he's spectacular in bed and has moneys[js]. I think i screwed that up though, i guess we'll see. Also, i saw Gerrick at the beach at this birthday get-together Joe took me to that week. That shit was weird, he went up to me while i was talking to Joe and said something about how he's been a douchebag for years and that he'll probably continue to be one for more then shook my hand and walked away. I don't know what he was trying to do by telling me that, but whatever. Oh yea, and i've been texting Shane a lot lately and he wants me to come see him, like soon. Like has been asking me when i'm coming up there for the past three days kind of soon. To be honest, it probably isn't the best thing for me to keep doing things like this, i'm aware, but i just can't help myself. I know i'm going to go to Gainesville and fuck Shane, i know that for sure.
Once again, here i am, doing what i always end up doing.