Alright, since so many things have happened since the last time i wrote in this thing so it's more likely going to be like a book, k? K.
The day after my last post in here, i saw Flower[Greg], i stayed at his house one night and we hungout with his roommates who are all in a band and sell weed on the side. We watched some movies and cuddled on the floor, we ended up doing things... obviously. A day later, Shane came over again and we just hungout and had a good time, like usual, just friends. Everything was ok and i was satisfied with that. I invited him to Emily's halloween plan we had the next night and he insisted he couldn't make it since he had already made plans with someone else but since he was going to borrow a blanket from me for the walk home he would meet me at her place after he got off work so i could get it back without my dad questioning me.
The next day was halloween, Emily and i had a plan for us to dress up and get drunk and get candy from strangers but that ended up not happening. What really happened was we had a couple beers after i got there, went to some liquor stores for our drinks we wanted and on the way back from ABC Shane caught us and walked over towards me, i invited him to come back to Emily's with us to have a drink or two and he said yes. I was having a great time, it was only about 5pm and it was just Me, Emily, Shane, Emily's roommates and my friend Koben and his Girlfriend. Shane was next to me everywhere i walked to, i didn't mind it though. Koben asked me if Shane was my boyfriend because apparently we "acted" like it, i said no and questioned in my head if thats what everyone thought when they saw us together.
All of a sudden it was dark outside and before i knew it i was in my costume, Emily was in hers and on the way out the door to pick something up at a friends house a few blocks away, so it was just me, Shane, and a friend named Kim. We went to buy beer for us, when we came back there were about ten people we knew standing in the yard in costumes waiting for a party to be going on. So, we had one. Flower ended up coming with a couple of his friends and i didn't know what to do, Shane was still there. So, i walked away and sat on the couch next to Shane. Then Flower comes over and sits on the other side of me on the couch and i'm just sitting there feeling awkward as fuck hoping neither of them talk to each other but ofcourse that didn't happen. They didn't know about each other and how well i knew the other one, i was trying to be calm so i got up and drank some more.
Eventually Flower wanted to go home and have me go back with him and i told him about 20 times that i couldn't go but to stay longer and hangout and just have fun, so he stayed. A couple hours later it was me and Flower in Emily's room talking, because he wanted to. He wouldn't leave the room, he just wanted to talk to me and only me... and at one point Shane walked in and asked us a couple questions that weren't important and then walked out. Things happened, and while they were in the back of my mind I was thinking about how horrible i was for doing this while the guy i really liked was in the next room and he knew what was going on. We walked out of the room and the party was over, a few people in various places passed out and Shane was on the chair sleeping with his hood over his head and a blanket covering his legs.
I went to sleep, around 9 or so i heard weird noises in the kitchen and in the living room so i wokeup and went into the hallway, nobody else was awake. I turned the corner and i saw Shane about to leave for work. I asked him if he was ok and he said yea but he wouldn't look at me. I then asked him for a hug goodbye, and he looked at me and said "I gave you one last night" and i just looked at him and didn't know what to say except sorry. He walked out, i went back to bed but i didn't know that would be the last time i saw him. I wokeup with three people starring at me laying next to a guy in someone elses bed like it's never happened before to anyone ever. Everyone told me that Shane was upset, i felt like the biggest jerk.
Shane's phone wasn't paid on time so i had no way to contact him directly anymore, but when i tried on facebook... i didn't get much back except maybe two words. I tried to have him come hangout with me again and each time he never showed up, i got so angry. We ended up not being friends anymore. I asked a couple male friends of mine about their opinions on the situation and one of them said that Shane was testing me to see if I would stray to another guy hoping that i wouldn't, but i did and i failed the test and thats why he wouldn't talk to me anymore. I has been texting for two days at this point without getting any replies or texts back from him, i finally sent one asking if he was testing me and that if so i have failed and he assured me that i was correct, i tried to explain it all to him but he got mad and insisted that he never cared about me being with Flower and that it worked out for him because he was trying to get rid of me anyway. Things really fell apart.
I became closer with Flower, i stayed a few days at his apartment and hungout with the guys and got food and into a show for free. It was pretty nice at times... but i knew i didn't really want to be there. A couple days after i got back home i found out from Emily that Flower had been talking about getting back together with an ex for the past week, i was pretty furious. I don't like being involved with someone while they're trying to talk to someone else... that's sketchy. I blew up at the kid... and i never heard from him since then. A few days later Emily told me that she had hookedup with Shane the night before. I thought she was kidding... she wasn't. I was over her house that night it happened and she lied to me saying her ex was in town so she wanted to see him. She had told me that what really happened was that shane texted her and asked what was going on at her house and she told him a few people including me were there and he told her he had mali and to go see him instead, so she did. We didn't talk for about a week.
A couple weeks later, i went over Emily's again and he neighbors had company, guys who were going to the occupy movement in NY. One of them took a fond liking to me, a guy named Red who had long red dreads and acted like a fool because he was drunk and around his friend. We talked a bit and i found that when it was just me and him, he wasn't trying to show off or act cool and i kind of liked that. We madeout, i slept next to him in their neighbors spare bed and as soon as i woke up i walked back over to Emily's. Apparently she was worried because i had told her i was coming back the night before and never showed up. I was ok, tired and cold but fine. I never heard from or saw that guy again, and honestly, i'm pretty ok with that.
Christmas was finally here, i was getting everything i asked for, which wasn't much but I got my car. I was pretty excited about that, i drove it all the time to my friend's house, everyone thought it was pretty great. I picked up the car from my mom's house and drove it back. she bought me that with leather boots, a jacket and made me cookies. My dad got me a shitload of makeup and my sister got my lotion, scented chapstick and some weird mudslide drink mix that i think i lost. My brother was living with us at that time so he was jealous that i got these nice things, a car, and he didn't... but that wasn't my fault and i let him know it.
new years day i found out that my close friend, Kyle, passed away. Nobody told me about it.
I found out because of a mutual friend's facebook status. I asked him what happened and all i was told was that he was shot. I knew nothing, i had nobody go to go to find out what was going on. All i could do was hope that someone on his facebook had the answers i wanted. Finally i found out that supposedly he had accidentally shot himself in the face on new years eve but i know that's bullshit. kyle was safe with his shit, everyone who knew him knew that. What was weird is that there was never an obituary for him or anything about his death. I feel like the people who really know what's going on are covering it up and it makes me really mad. I wanted to go to his funeral in citrus, so my last resort was going to Gerrick and politely asking him for the information, he never got back to me. I found out the day after i left go to back home from citrus was the day of his memorial there and i was so pissed. I asked Gerrick why he hadn't told me about it and why nobody came to me. he insisted it was my fault i wasn't close with Kyle anymore, What he didn't know was that i had told kyle about a week before he died that i had a car and when he came back to florida i wanted to visit him. I'm still pissed.
A couple weeks passed and i was back to going to Emily's and i was getting drunk about 5 nights a week there, i didn't care. I got money as often as i could and bought as much as i could. We met these punk traveler guys[Andy and Travis] at this record store for artwalk. That night they came back with us to the after party that had already started before we got there. They were fun, and cool. It was relaxing to be around people who didn't care about what drama was going on. About a week later they came back for this huge party we had at Emily's. I was so excited, i was having such a great time... then again i was really drunk so everything made me happy. That night Travis was being a little flirty, which i could tell for him didn't happen often. He asked for a drag of my cigarette while we were sitting on the curb with our beers next to us so i let him and he grabbed the cigarette away and took a puff. He then out of nowhere kissed me. I didn't get it but i liked it. So, by the time we went back inside everyone was passing out and all we had left was to try to share Emily's bed with two other people sleeping on it already. We passed out laying on the edge of the bed. I woke up a couple hours later and drove home. I never saw Travis again.
A little later one, Me and Emily stopped being friends... for good. What happened was she had got off work late and i was already at her house. She picked me up and went to her coworkers house to smoke but i just wanted to leave. We then went to walmart and then a piercing place because she lost one of the balls to her septum. We got that done and then finally picked up something to drink. The guy she liked, Andy wanted to come see her but she wasn't sure about it. She liked him but wasn't sure because he didn't have a job yet. An hour after we got there she passed out with this stupid guy in her bed after her telling me about 20 times that she didn't want to do anything with him. I was bored so i invited Andy over and we decided to walk downtown to one of his friends house. What we forgot was that Andy left his charger in her living room after we left and locked the door. We had to walk back and get it the next morning, Tommy opened the door and he grabbed his charger and he went home and i drove away. When she woke up she texted me and blew up my phone saying i was a liar and i stabbed her in the back and that i was trying to get her back for hooking up with Shane. I apologized for everything and explained what really happened. She didn't want to heard it, so i told her to leave me alone.
A week later i went back to citrus to see other Emily! it was a good time. The last night i was there, i got a message on FB from this guy i know Ryan. He was seeing this girl who i knew in Gainesville in 2011 and i hadn't seen him for like a year. So, i talked to him and joked him and thought i was being funny. When i got back i My dad was still out of town visiting his new girlfriend. He came back and brought her with him. She was now living with us, which was fucking insane. That same night i ended up hanging out with Ryan because he lived a lot closer than i thought and i had no friends left there anymore. We got close, too close maybe? I don't know. A couple days later we ended up getting together, like officially. Everyone was freaking the fuck out over it, especially at him. he got various texts from people saying i was a crazy bitch and that i lie and stab people in the back and cheat on guys all the time. That was great.
I really liked him and we saw each other like every single day. I went to go visit my mom with my family at the beginning of march for spring break and brought Ryan with me. Things were going good, except for drama between my family and my dad's crazy girlfriend. But now was the time to forget about it. It was perfect. When i got back to Gainesville, that night my dad texted me telling me i couldn't live in his house anymore because Laura said so. I was homeless. I didn't know what to do, I just had to see what happened. the next day i had to get My stuff out of the house while a cop was present and my mom and her husband met up with me and Ryan's house to move me into their house 2 hours away. I wasn't happy. I knew it was going to be hard for me a Ryan. He was really supportive though, i loved it.
After a while of living here, things between me and Ryan started getting crappy. I was annoyed because i had this guy who my mom knew from their bowling alley trying to talk to me and hangout with me all the time like would not leave me alone. It was getting on my nerves. Plus I had girls coming to me saying he had been talking to them and telling them that me and him were an on and off couple and that we were off. Also, that he would add people on FB he didn't know and text them and exchange pictures. I got sick of it. I tried believing him for a while and i tried to have us see each other every couple weeks. Until, one day he told me he "accidentally" kissed this 16 year old girl who lives in his neighborhood. That doesn't just happen. Apparently her mother and step dad threatened Ryan and said if they ever saw him talk to her again that they would call the cops, so he backed off of her. We broke up a couple weeks ago... he still tries to get me back thought. Like, everyday. Me and Shane became ok with each other a couple days ago, by the way. I messaged him saying i was sorry about what happened months back and he said he glad i messaged him and we talked about our lives for a little, was nice.
Now, I'm just doing what i want... when i want. I stopped smoking three weeks ago today. I'm slowly losing weight and i actually have a decent skin tone for summer. Plus, i'm finally going to see Emily in citrus this weekend and i'm really excited.
