Me and Dustin decided to be atleast respectful towards each other and he told me he wanted to get along with me but that it was up to me now and i was surprised.
I went to citrus wednesday to Graham's house and we went to see Monsters Inc in 3D, after the movie he admitted he never really liked that movie hahaha! We hungout a little at Emily's afterwards and Dustin was a little awkward around me, not really conversing much with me. Maybe said all of 15 words to me the entire time but there was a couple other friends there too so it wasn't a bad time.
The next day i went to Emily's and hungout with them for a little bit, Dustin called me to ask if i could pick him up from work around 3:30 and i said "sure". That night they planned to have abunch of people came over for the end of the world gathering. Earlier before everyone showed up, Dustin was once again barely speaking to me and i didn't understand why. I had asked him to go with me to get something so we could talk maybe and right before i went to leave he changed his mind about going and i was a little annoyed.
I went off to Graham's to pick something up and came back to Emily saying she thinks Dustin thinks i hate him and told me he didn't exactly say that but said he told her that if i was really trying to be his friend i would have asked if he needed a ride to work the next morning already. So, about a half hour after i was told that i was asked if i could take him and i said yea, so when he knew i would take him he finally started acting normal around me again. He seemed happy and relaxed and like he was cool with me again. Things were really nice. But throughout the night i kept catching him looking at me or standing near where i was sitting in their outside room, it was kind of strange but i didn't say anything. He then told me since people were gonna be loud that i could sleep in his bed so we can wakeup early to take him to work and that the bed if big enough for us. So, i did that.
Later that day when he got back he asked me if i could take him to crystal river saturday to go christmas shopping and i said i would as long as i could get a little gas money. Once again, he was happy and relaxed. That night we had to run up to winn dixie to get Emily's pudding and push pops because she was hungover and we were getting along really well. I put on thinkin' 'bout you and he told me not to change it and the we proceeded to have a mini sing-a-long to it on the way back.
Yesterday i got up at a decent time and took a much needed shower, went off to Emily's and when i got there Dustin was just waking up. He walked out of the room with just basketball shorts on, ugh. I put on the Dexter finale and put a frozen pizza in the oven for lunch. He kept coming out periodically asking/seeing what i was doing and at one point jokingly said i act like a little kid. We got done eating and headed out. Things were going really well, and he was being really nice towards me and not picking little arguments and i was really happy about that.
We went into Kmart so he could find something for his baby cousin and brother, he went into the toy section and messed with some of the things a little and had this smile on his face, and then i told him he was the one who acts like a kid and he just laughed. He kept asking me what i thought of his choices for the gifts, as if i knew his family better than he did or something, it was kind of funny. We went into JC Penney because he wanted to find a fitted cap for his cousin but they didn't have those, so instead he got a little fleece jacket and matching black sweatpants. He said the outfit was made for him because then his cousin could match him now haha. After the mall we went into his work, DD, so he could get something for emily and his grandma. He came out to the car to ask me what i think Emily would like more, Coffee or a coffee tumbler that gets her money off when she gets it filled there.
On the way back to the house he got me some gas and we picked up Jon so he could get groceries with Jon's EBT card. While we were there, Dustin had walked away from his basket and Jon told me "grab your boyfriends stuff." I nearly had a heart attack. I said he isn't my boyfriend and he just laughed and said "yea, ok.". I don't really know how i feel about that. When we got to the house Tyler and their friend Mike, who just got out of prison, was there with some beers. They had planned to go out to a bar/billiards in cr that was closing it's doors today. Before they left Dustin kept asking me if i wanted to go, i said i was gonna wait until Emily got home he then said i should drive up there to meet them. I said i didn't want to use my gas since i don't have any money left and he said i could ride up there with them right now or wait until Emily got home and have Graham take me. I told him Graham probably wasn't going to want to go and he said he would call him and make him want to go. For some reason he really wanted me to go, but i had just spent like over 5 hours non-stop with him so i figured he wouldn't want to be like right there with me all night too. I told him when he was leaving that if i didn't see him later i would see him next time i'm in town and he said "shut up, you're going to see me when i get home you're not going anywhere tonight." But he never went home last night.
When i got to Graham's last night i started thinking about my day, and what happened and that i was very glad that we got along so well, like how things were before. And then i realized i still very much have strong feelings for him. And that i like the way he gets when a song he likes a lot is playing and sings along with it so passionately even though he's not the best singer, and how he smiles when he's having innocent fun like a kid, they way he laughs because it's kind of funny but it's his, the fact that he can recite a shit ton of random movie quotes at any given time. I want to be there for him when i can, i want to help him when he needs it, i want to make him things, i want to take him to work if he needs a ride, i want to do things and support him in whatever he chooses to do to make himself a better person. I just want to see him happy all the time, because that makes me happy too. It makes me mad at myself because i know i can't just go and do those things whenever i want to. I'm not in the position to do them. How am i supposed to be friends with him like he wants without having all this extra bullshit inside of me? It makes me that much harder for me to hangout with him because i don't want to have feelings for him because i know it's not going to change a thing.
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